’09 F2P – The Protagonist at it again

THE PROTAGONIST has has become ritual, the Protagonist shares his thoughts on this years Farm to Pub….. Farm to Pub retains AAA+ rating.

Well what a tumultuous year it has been since the 2008 F2P. In the early hours of the morning of Sunday February 17th 2008 as the last of the gathering departed the carport to their various places of rest for night, no one could have foreseen what the following 12 months was to bring.  Unless you have been in a cave for year (perhaps in the Bora Bora Mountains with Os@ma Bin Laden … rumoured to be a tentative booking for 2010 F2P, training hard, doing lots of hill work, fancies his chances of sneaking under the radar of the handicapper) you
will know that the preceding 12 months has seen an extraordinary tsunami hit the global financial and economic markets.

It has been all over the press, in the financial pages and also general news. F2P has not been immune from this and has featured prominentlyin the business/financial sections of quality newspapers worldwide. For those who missed it and to recap for others, here are just some of theheadlines and stories concerning the F2P and the impact of the Global Financial Crisis.

 – F2P P/L denies reports of a BONDS Issue – says it will stick with custom made Farm to Pub singlets

 – refutes suggestions it is susceptible to a takeover because of its ‘highly beveraged’ position

 – investors decline opportunity to Pony Up for Farm to Pub equine category

 – dismisses rumours that forecast profit downgrades will cause the full distance Farm 2 Pub be slashed with new starting point of the mail box

– ridicules as a delusion of grandeur a merger of equals offer from the ‘Baptism Sprint’  

– market turbulence aside the CEO guarantees Farm to Pub bike category will still exist in 2009 saying  ‘we’ll ride this out’

– Big Stink in F2P Bike category. Butch rides out turbulence, protests lodged by downwind riders.

– Claims and Counter Claims amongst Strathmore Social Set as Margarine Loan goes bad.
Anonymous: “we had no idea they wanted it back, we assumed it was a gift. besides, last year they used our tomato sauce”

– More fracturing of Strathmore Social Set over response to Margarine Call.
Karen Thomas : ” If I’d wanted butter I would have effing well asked for butter!”

– 80% of Farm to Pub competitors place themselves in voluntary training halt.

–   Profit downgrade for Mt Sturgeon mine.
Handicapper assures public he will not be so generous with the Dunkeld girls in 2009.

– ASIC ban on Shorts Smelling.
All competitors are reminded of the directive from the ASIC that all shorts worn in the 2009 F2P be freshly laundered.

 –  Shorts Selling – fails to get a leg up.
Participants are reminded they are responsible for their own apparel in the Farm to Pub, be that running shorts, footy shorts, leggings, tracksuits. Whilst there will be F2P singlets on sale after the race, there will be no shorts selling occurring prior to the running of the F2P.

– Chinese interests may swallow up Farm to Pub.
China spokesman, “We think we can make this thing wok”

– F2P declined white knight takeover offer from Warren Buffet.
spokesman : ” We will go it alone and take the hard road … straight after we turn left off Sandy Lane”

– legal nightmare over Hedge Funds Row,
7 children 3 adults and Michael Wilson all claim ownership of a $2 coin found near the hedge at the south end of the front lawn.

– More drama from Hedge Finds.
No one takes responsibility for empty Vic Bitter stubbies found stashed in the front lawn hedge.

– more form the Hedge Finds
Everyone takes responsibility for half empty home-brew stubbies found stashed in the hedge. Investigations unlikely to get to the bottom of it.

 – Huge response to IPO from Strathmore Social Set – oversubscribed.
An offer from some members of the SSS to lift spirits amid the Global Financial Crisis by holding a F2P eve car key bowl party has generated massive interest.

 – Backlash over F2P eve car key party.
Some women complain the prospectus for the F2P eve car key party made no distinction between full distance and half distance categories.

anon: “I needn’t have bothered doing my stretches and a warm up

Class A Assets struggle.
Legal challenge launched against Strathmore Social Set sovereignty over front lawn tent sites.

– deteriorating market conditions mean no Bull Run as part of 2009 Farm 2 Pub.

 – F2P management assures nervous market there will still be bullshit running at conclusion of 2009 F2P.

– Outrage over Chair Buyback scheme.
People who left fold up chairs at 2008 F2P have been asked to buy them back for use in 2009.

– Management to apply for Bale out to keep Farm to Pub on track.
Following some unfortunate incidents of lost runners in 2008 (left right left right indeed) F2P has applied to the Rural City of Ararat for permission to put some hay bales out to corral runners in the right directions at any intersections and cross roads.

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